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Monday, February 28, 2011

miss invisible :')

here's a girl
Who sits under the bleachers
Just another day eating alone
And though she smiles
There is something just hiding
And she cant find a way to relate
She just goes unnoticed
As the crowd passes by
And she'll pretend to be busy
When inside she just wants to cry
She'll say...

[Chorus]
Take a little look at the life of Miss Always Invisible
Look a little harder, I really really want you to put yourself in her shoes
Take another look at the face of Miss Always Invisible
Look a little closer and maybe then you will see why she waits for the day
When you'll ask her her name

The beginning, in the first weeks of class
She did everything to try and fit in
But the others they couldn't seem to get past all the things that mismatched on the surface

And she would close her eyes when they left and as she fell down the stairs
And the more that they joked
And the more that they screamed
She retreated to where she is now
And she'll sing...

[Chorus]
Take a little look at the life of Miss Always Invisible
Look a little harder I really, really want you to put yourself in her shoes, yeah, yeah 
Take a little look at the face of Miss Always Invisible
Look a little closer and maybe then you will see why she waits for the day that 
you will ask her name

Then one day, just the same as the last
Just, the days been in counting the time
Came a boy, that sat under the bleachers just a little bit further behind...








(THIS IS WHAT I FEEL NOW...NOBODY KNOW THAT I'M HURTING ACCEPT ME AND MY BESTIES
BECAUSE MY LOVE FOR HIM IS SO DEEPLY
HOPE HE CAN FEEL IT ONE DAY :) )

messy girl !

everyday...my friend teach me to more matured..forget the past..build the new and open the new chapter of  my life...yup :)  I WILL ! :)

for what right?if we everyday just crying and sad coz of love !
and just hoping for empty answer...
seems like..i got question but no answer..so tired of being confused!

i need a wings!
so i can fly as far as i can fly...
i'm tired just being like this..
i need freedom..so i can feel happiness.
without sadness  in my life. . . i want a bit happiness and love like others,,


please dont messy on me?ahhah
nya ya...jadilah saya messy girl!ahahhaha

but nevermind...because i know...one day..i will grab what i already lost before


I'M SURE ! MARK IT ! :)

SO..its time for me to change my life...i must! :)


cheers julie :)
 i need my angel :)
i want fly as a angel...free!!!! :)

Saturday, February 26, 2011

POOR ME

days time pass day...im still here..without do anything !damn bored! :)
mana lagi saya masih belum isi UPU..nya ya..bisa my head sudah..
still dunnoe which uni that i must enter..
hard glak!

after this..i will k? :)
hopefully i get uni that i choose :)o..

couple month a go my mama force me too sent form to be temporary teacher..but guess what?!
i wont send it!ahhahaha..im quite lazy bha..to teach primary student..
both of my besties got that job...but im not jelez !hahaha..seriously...im lazy ! :)

but poor they..must stop..coz got student from maktab that will teach each school at malaysia..nyahhhh...dislike !

but a weeks a go..my mama once gain force me to send that form..huh !
i must send it then..hopefully i got that job!
coz i badly bored! :)

U intake on september? nya ya !for how long i must wait?argghhh!!BORING :)

hopefully i got the best uni that i had choose..amin :)

so...while waiting for UPU.im still here lor?
jaga kedai my mama saja?ok then!
as long that i tak makan gaji buta..ahhhaks! :P

but..suddenly...i feel want go to kuching eyh..
but the problem is..my mama !
nah..knfom xsuruh...
but i already have some tricks..ihihihi..
i must go...to enjoy and have some fun :)

poor me...everday BORING! :(


WISH MY SUFFER WILL END SOON :)

Monday, February 21, 2011

awesome

what a great day today!
yeeeppyyy..!!awesome result eyh!
even i dont get 4A's...but i already proud bha!
at least im not fail :)

i give it to you mama!!!!!!!

Sunday, February 20, 2011

wonder

tomorrow...result stpm is out!
what?!cant imagine eyh...
after waiting for a long time..
lastly...TOMORROW!apooo...


dup dap..dup dap..dup dap..
takut dowh!
tuhan..berilah aku kekuatan..
apa nda rizal ku esok oww?nerves ku!

if jaik...cney ku sambong?if baik?

hopefully rizal ku ok...maok bahagiakan mak ku bha..
maok soh mak ku proud..
and my dady kat atas..

wish me luck! :)

Saturday, February 19, 2011

happy birthday

aritox burfday nya....
sad..xpat wish ngannya drik mpun..
padahal..aku dah plan mok berik surprise ngannya.. family ya..taq dah jadi ketua keluarga nktox.sad!!!!!!!!!!!

for u...happy burfday hubbie..umo dah tua..boh berolah gk..jaga lah family  taq k..
keja bena2...i just can pray for u..

hadiah nak dberi meq dlok..simpan k..nasib meq dah beri taq..at least da wak kenangan kita 2..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY,HAPPY BIRTHDAY
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU :)





MAY GOD BLESS YOU YA...

meq slalu sayang taq..even kita xbersama gk

pretending

hidup ku after ku bergelarle single tox ndang best :)
macam2 ku lalui..banyak kawan ku dapat..
ni nda!if ku still ada gerek dlok,ku mesti jaga hatinya..kakya xpat text ngan laki lain...coz ku perlu jaga hatinya..
p ya la tek..xguna juak ku malah pya..sedangkan nya xpernah hargai....regrets!

after ku single...banyak laki suka ku..ku bukan up !ku just mdah nak mena..
tapi..camni ku mok terima?if hati and cinta ku gk kat nya?susah nak?
sorry mena2 dear..ku ndang xpat trima taq owg....ku still xpat lupakannya..terlalu sukar..
if one day ku apat lupaknnya sekali pun,,sukar aku maok buka hati ku untuk insan yang bergelar lelaki..
ku taok sia2 jak ku polah semua tox..tapi..biar jak ku rasa smua tox alone...ku lebih suka lonely,,
ku takut kecewa untuk kedua kalinya..sakit mena2 eyh..


ku lamaktox ndang pernah break..tapi ku xkala rasa sakit camtox gilak..kali ya fate!
ku terima jak smua ya..yang penting aku cinta and sayang nya...
biarla nya xtaok semua tox..ku xkisah..
tapi..hope one day..nya akan rasa semua ya...yang ku cinta glak with nya..
sedih juak asa ati ku..bila nya ignore ku...kdak ku tox ompuan apa jak dipolah nya camtox..
biarla..bagiku..keep on silent is the best way!

setiap hari..jiwaku semakin membaik..tapi xhabis2 aku gk pretend...
like xda apa2 yang berlaku..aku fake?!aok..mena ya...
ku ndang pura2...
ku taok kawan2 ku xsuka ngga ku sedih...ya ku polah drik mpun happy..asal jak kawan ku happy juak..
biar jak ku asa smua tox..sakit ndang sakit..tapi apa boleh buat?bukan jodoh ku nya ya...

ku hairan..kawan ku dah berkapel ngan gereknya..9 tahun dah..and baru break marek..tapi nya pat smile and enjoy....nya madah..apa nak sedih?benda dah berlaku...hidup tox mesti pandang ke depan..xpat noleh ke belakang jak2....

aok...ndang ku pat pya eyh...tapi susah!..even ku baru beregerek with nya,8 bulan...tapi cukup lah ku merasakan sengsaranya kedak ku dah bkapel wth nya berkurun lamanya...
baru nektok..ku sedar erti cinta sebenar...thanks hubbie..tgal taq meq faham apa erti cinta sebenar....
meq ndang hargai semua ya,,,,taq jak pat ubah sikap meq yang play girl...
even meq setia ngan orang yang salah...
tapi meq bahagia...janji meq dah pernah rasa semua ya tim ngan ktaq lok..

huh.............................................................hurting!suffering! :)

gud nite my almost lover........................
just blog tox faham apa yang meq asa..if la blog tox pandai berkata2...ndang sanggup meq klaka ngan blog tox seorang2...........

kawan2 juz pat madah jak..yang merasakan adalah aku :(






Friday, February 18, 2011

jiwa kacau

everyday i must force myself to face a  fate...oh god...
tapi aku bangga ngan drik mpuntime tox..coz ku dah pat survive hidu tanpa laki ya..ahhahax


ku mok cari gerek gk pastox....yah...senang da jak bunyi..hahhax...
tapi..ndang mena la...ku xpat single lmak dowh....sunyi nda upa...sa desprate juak!hahha


hari isnin,,,rizal stpm keluar..ku just hope rizal ya pat bahagiakan mama ku
susah nda jadi satu2 nya anak yang diharapkan...
tapi ya la tek..ku terima jak apapun keputusan ya lak..nerves dowh ! :P


good nytes! sweet dream !

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

LOVE THE WAY YOU ACT!

22 MAY 2010
 
first kita dua bergerek..
sebelum ya,ku still ingat...camni kau madah suka aku and minta nombor ku..

beberapa hari sebelum ya,ko add ku dalam facebook..and kita dua pun chat..
after beberapa kali chat,ko pun minta number fon kmk..
and malam ya,taq minta picture meq.. tapi meq xlyan..coz dah tido..
beberapa hari pasya,,,kitak pun text meq gk...and meq pun reply..
malam ya,meq kol kitak...and ktaq pun madah suka meq and mok meq jdi gerek ktaq..


OK!meq terima:)
because meq pun single time ya..and malam ya,taq mdah hari mggu mok agak lubok antu..

23 may 2011
first kmk jumpa ktaq kat lubok  antu..after kita xjumpa time kat TEKBET dlok


after ya...perhubungan kita berjalan cam biasa..
and i cry loudly!
and u pun janji xkan molah meq kdakya..and mok setia ngan meq jak...


after malam ya, i try biar tak serius with you..for what?lak ku wak merana nak?



tapi..hari demi hari..kita kerap keluar...and i totally FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU!
Your voice,your lips.your breath...and everything bout you!make me sick :(

after ya,meq janji ngn drik mpun takkan curang or mainkan u..coz i damnly love u!



after a few months,kita mala jak klaie..tapi i can settle it down..coz i wont lose u!


sampaila...satu hari after hari raya haji...satu peristiwa pahit terjadi kat diri ko!
your dad leave your family forever....FOR UNCLE..HOPE YOU REST IN PEACE :(


KITAK TAOK X?kmk nanggis 2 hari tgal meq pat imagine hidup taq owg pastox
and i promise myself..maok jaga ko ,sayang ko and family you..
sampaila...............ko mbak ku balik umah jumpa ur mom...
you noe wat i feel?!damn!ku happy eyh!
almost every day ku agak ko dirumah and lepak with you kat luar with your adeq....

I LOVE YOUR FAMILY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!xpernah ko taok nda?!

after ku stpm..ku balik lubok antu gk...tapi sikit pun ku xpernah lupa kan u!

start from that day...kita 2 mala jak klaie..and meq mok BREAK!
tapi kita ndang xmok..coz taq madah..taq mena cinta kmk..aok!cayak meq koh...coz meq dah buta!

sampaila ko mena2 xmok return with ku time christmas !
sampaiku merayu mena2bok kita 2 return...adoowhhhh....bisa my head!


dipendekkan cerita!
beberapa hari b4 ku g indon...kita 2 break gk...ko injak harga diri ku..
tp disebabkan cinta..ku g sri aman..agak ko..merayu...and kita 2return balit
ku hadiahkan ko sepasang kasut futsal!:)

tp ya la tek...time ku balit indon..kita 2 xpat kontek...
and malam meq balit dari nun, ko mita break!
xpat gk ku pujuk u!u dah benci n xdacinta gk...ok lar! :(


WAN..KU MOK KO TAOK..BRAPA HARI YA KU NGGIS NTAM KO...KU HILANG ARAH TUJU EYH..KO BANYAK GILAK AJAR KU ERTI CINTA,SETIA AND HIDUP...KU MENA2 XPAT LUPAKAN KO...SEMUA YA PERLU MASA.....SAMPAI KINEK...KU XPAT LUPAKAN KO...KO TERLALU BERPENGARUH DALAM HIDUP KU...MUNGKIN SUATU HARI LAK BOK KU PAT LUPAKAN U....KO MESTI INGAT K...KU TTAP CINTA KO,,,,

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

start a new chapter in my life

who just play fool with me?!
fine!haahahax...ko pikey ko kisah?sik ada!

Ko mainkan aku nektox nak?kelak ko akan asa juak bha..
ku dah xkisah ko ngan sapa gk nektox...
asa kacak juak ko ya duhal!

ku xkisah gk ko mok apa..
yang penting ku puas hati!ku dah benci gilak ngan kau bha...
kau dah over gilak mainkan aty kamek n ompuan lain....

ndang asa kacak!

xhal la....kelak ko akan  rasa juak bha...ku tunggu jak ctox....
lak ku  TEPUK TANGAN!


tox feeling meq time tox....

disebalik sedih....AKU BAHAGIA!
bukannya aku kamboh pun ko maok hidup happy pastox,,,aahhahx...

pergilah kau dari hidupku nektox!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, February 14, 2011

what goes around

WHAT GOES AROUND COME AROUND!
believe on it..
because i already through all of that

PAIN and HURT
have some meaning although got different spelling
I'm in pain and i'm hurting now!
arrgghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!
everyday heartache!

ahhahhahx...hopefully i'm not goin crazy soon...
speechless :(

if everday i must face fake people,,,i will heart attack i thought....hhahahx

from now on,i hate people that got FAKE ATTITUDE!

and one more.....NO NEED TO BE SERIOUS WITH GUY!

ppeergghhh!!pandai2 pula saya ajar orang..hahaahx
nevermind,this is the fate bha.....

KARMA?did you believe on it? I DO!

ahaakkxx..sometimes we must trust,but not at all...

p/s:for heartbreaker especially girl!
moving foward..let time heal everything :)
remember k!they will feel what are we feel now!


saya kejam?!terpulang pada kamu lah :)
-gracias :P

usual life

i thought i ever got my surprise for this valentine day...
but, HE give me a huge teddy bear...how lucky i am..
But sorry,i ever got special feeling to you..
for me,you a the greatest friend that god give me

Sorry,i cant force myself to be your special person in your life

Im not liar and hypocrite..
i love you but in the same time,i still love my ex,,

thank you for your attention dear..
god bless you
and he will send you an angel to guide you..



once gain,im not born to be yours :(





Sunday, February 13, 2011

my worst valentine day

VALENTINE DAY?WHAT IS IT?

its nothing special for me...just a WORD!just a DAY!

time passing time,i still cant forget you...but who cares right?!

praise a lord,i still have family and friends that always taking care of me :)
valentine day didnt have anything special for me
just HURT me adalar! :P

-i'm always hope to be your valentine..but that all just a dream!
VALENTINE DAY FOR ME IS....

love others and respect others
love family and  friends

and KEEP LOVING OTHERS..
so,ever try to regrets !

i ever had chance to celebrate it...

but..im still gay!
yeppyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy...............say no to VALENTINE DAY!



hopping that have guy to fixed my heart soon :)

Friday, February 11, 2011

HEARTACHE!

nobody love me,nobody cares about me...and nobody understand me !

why?why?why?why?why?why?

i just want one second only to feel it god :(
seriously, i feel regret now.
My love change to HATE!

YUP! i want to be players now
what else i can do? first in my life...i love someone that ever love me !
damnly stupid!
I PROMISE ! after this,i try to forget you...i'm not even try but i will force myself!

I'm happy now without you..
sorry, i already can forget you in a short time..
Even 1 day you regrets and wanna back with me,i cant! :)

i already close my heart for anyone ....
what for BOYFRIEND right?
if they come then hurt me again?

OH NO!!! TRAUMA already :P

i'm gay !
you know what?my life is better without you now..

i can feel FREEDOM !
thanks to you my EX,you already teach me about true LOVE



NOW , NEW JULIE IS REBORN...LIVE WITHOUT PAIN AND LIVE WITHOUT TEARS !

LIVE WITH FAITH IN GOD AND LIVE WITH HAPPIER AND GAY !





CAN ANYONE FIX ME? ! :P

Action

yup....ACT LIKE NOTHING HAPPEN!


everyday..i must act like i'm happy and nothing happen. But deeply in my heart, i'm heartache !
Nobody know right?Because i can ACTING!
But i'm not fake people..
i just act like educated person that can handle my own problem without show my own pain.

Two days ago, problem suddenly come..
yup!my auntie is a rude person!
sorry GOD,im stubborn and doing sins..
But,she already ruin my life and my family..
sorry auntie,just GOD can judge you.
I JUST HOPE 1 DAY GOD WILL TOUCH YOUR HEART AND OPEN YOUR HEART TO ACCEPT WORD OF GOD and stop talking about others life !

i'm sad actually.. you already accept god in your life...
but what?!!you still hypocrite!ego!stalkers!


maybe one day,God will open your heart....AMIN !

Thursday, February 10, 2011

SAYA SUKA HIDUP SAYA
SAYA CINTA DIRI SAYA
SAYA SUKA APA YANG ADA PADA DIRI SAYA
SAYA CINTA MUSUH SAYA
SAYA CINTA KELUARGA SAYA
SAYA CINTA TUHAN SAYA
SAYA CINTA KAWAN SAYA
 --------------CINTA ITU INDAH BILA TIBA PADA WAKTUNYA -----------

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life

Chinese new year already past...valentine day is coming....
Seriously...until now,i cant stop thinking all about him..
what are he doing....
already eat or not?
are he in good condition?
oMG!every space of my mind is all ABOUT HIM! wtf !
 i'm already tired actually..when always hoping for him to come back to me.
Because i know...that is the most impossible thing for me.
But what else can i do?

Maybe im stupid for him!
But....at least for me...that is the sacrifice !
maybe i'm wrong to falling in love with him.. But im not wrong because i do great decision by LEAVE HIM!
Even it hurt...i must face it...life is beautiful !
So i must always think positive and move foward..

Now...my next goal is want to play fool with BOY!
i already tired by stick on my boy..
but what ?!they lie on me.. LIAR!

the sadness part is HE IS NOT IN LOVE WITH ME ANYMORE!
can you imagine? !He make me feel he just like a jerk!

fuuhhhh!!! feeling better now..after MARAH!
But its ok..i already got my strength now...
even i cant forget you at all..at least i have my own GOAL!

you can feel happy now..but later? !mark it!
you will feel same as me !!!
that is fate ! i told you the true..
 ITS HURT IF SOMEONE THAT YOU LOVE MORE IS NOT FEELING THE SAME! 

ahhahaa..im happy now !
i already have my own life that is MORE BEAUTIFUL than before !
so what? you think you already OK meh? !

i want see.....WHAT HAPPEN LATER !
GONNA SEE U SOON!


                      REGRET!